The Suicide Bomber

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In the war against Hitler's Nazi horde the Russians took desperate measures.

Applying Pavlov's famous work, they sacrificed their dearest treasures.

The Red Army conditioned Man's Best Friend to add to war's deadly fog.

But Muslim fanatics have chosen to use something worth less than a dog.

Yes, in Russia bomb-laden dogs were used to blow up German tanks.

But the Islammuzhneen find it so much easier to attack civilian ranks.

The jihadis send the suicide bomber to blow their enemies to Kingdom Come,

but where do they find the person they need, someone who's sufficiently dumb?

Why, in a madrassa that teaches hate is where you will find such a fool.

So meet the suicide bomber candidate, the mullahs' expendable tool.

In his degraded culture he has nothing for which to live.

Destitute of all employable value he has only his life to give.

That's how the mullahs want to keep it, those bearded and turbaned blobs,

because to survive in an honest world they would actually have to get jobs.

So they find their victim, er, martyr in the wilds of Dumbozostan,

a guy who isn't even a loser, but they'll take whatever they can.

They'll send the guy to bomb a place that he can't even find on a map.

But first they have to fill his brain with a truckload of extremist crap.

Allah is very picky, they say. In His Heaven He only has room

for those who ride the shock wave of the martyr's sacred "Boom!"

It won't hurt a bit, they tell him, though he never wonders how they know.

He just has to go where they tell him and strike a holy blow.

And immediately he'll be in Paradise, with comforts and pleasures divine.

He'll drink the most refreshing beverages and on the best of foods he will dine.

He'll even get to play with forty-seven virgins - count 'em - forty-seven!!

He only has to get himself sent as a martyr to Allah's glorious Heaven.

Yeah, they load his mind with fantasies and dreams and I simply have to tell you

that if you can believe what this guy accepts, Oh, have I got a bridge to sell you!

Proudly he dons the explosives-laden vest with its battery and detonator.

He just can't see that his "Mission for Allah" makes him an atrocity perpetrator.

Deep in his hideous torture chamber, Satan is happy and gay,

for yet another of the humans he hates will soon be coming his way.

Yeah, our boy's all jazzed, ready to go; he doesn't smell anything rotten.

Why, he even gets to star in his own video, which will soon be trashed and forgotten.

The suicide bomber is all serious and somber; he just doesn't get the joke,

that he's the world's biggest sucker, the mullahs' patsy bloke.

So the mullahs sit in their madrassas and gloat, filled with joy instead of grieving,

because that Quranic bullshit they teach is not what they're believing.

It never occurs to the ignorant muzhnoon to put his teachers to a test,

to ask why none of them has gone and put on the dynamite vest.

So their puppet dances into a world that he is ill-equipped to comprehend,

in the service of a bleak and sterile doctrine that he has chosen to defend.

And when he presses down on the trigger and gets to his reward at last

he will spend Eternity in a devastated world having a total blast.


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