The Hypocrite

2009 Mar 08

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I was inspired to compose this poem when I read a news report of a man in Iraq who had been harassed by fundamentalist Islamic militants for having a spare tire in the trunk of his car.

"Don't you trust in Allah?" the man with the machine gun said.

And I had to bite my wise-guy tongue; otherwise I would be dead.

I was stopped at an Islamist checkpoint, near where the fighting was intense.

It was while searching my car for contraband that this idiot took offense.

"You have no faith!" he yelled at me and took me by surprise.

At first I thought he was joking, but then I saw the malice in his eyes.

I'm sure I would have been murdered if I had laughed at this dumb Muslim punk,

for what upset him was the sight of the spare tire in my car's trunk.

I heard his buddies snicker, as if this were some cosmic joke.

They gathered 'round eager to hear what excuse I would invoke.

I told him I didn't actually buy the spare: I truly never sought it.

I never paid any attention to it. It came with the car when I bought it.

"You must put your faith in Allah," he said, "for Allah always knows what's best."

"Yes," I replied, "that's certainly true, but sometimes Allah gives us a test."

He looked bewildered at my reply, then asked if I was a Sufi mystic.

I said I was, because sometimes you must patronize the stupid and sadistic.

Does this moron truly believe that he's making Islam attractive?

With pushers like him the Holy Qur'an might as well be radioactive.

I would really like to get a fatwa, an Islamic judge's ruling,

that belief in Allah is not a toy with which this clown should be fooling.

But of faith in Allah, we can clearly see, he has absolutely none;

because if he truly believed in Allah's protection, he would not be carrying that gun.


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