The Man With Many Names

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There is a man, plain and simple, who comes from northern Europe.

He's not the kind of fellow, you would think, who would ever want to stir up


a raging controversy that for centuries has been stalled

by people simply disagreeing over what he should be called.


Now he calls himself Deutsch (Doytsh), of this there is no doubt,

but the English call him German, when they're not calling him a Kraut.


The French call him Allemande, though sometimes Bosch is heard.

It's bizarre how his nearest neighbors can't agree on a single word.


The Italians call him Tedesco, the Norwegians call him Tysk (Teesh).

The Russians call him Nemyetskiy and want him kept on a leash.


He says that he's bewildered, he claims to be confused,

he even goes so far as to assert that he's being abused.


In Finland he thinks that it's more than a little kinky

that they call him saksalainen in the lovely town of Helsinki.


But there's one name we will never call him, though it's one he actually wanted.

It's a name by which this world and its history will forevermore be haunted.


It wasn't so very long ago, I note for what it's worth,

that he wanted everyone to call him the Master of the Earth.


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